10 Questions to Ask Yourself to Stop Overthinking
Overthinking is a real issue for many of my clients.
They tell me that they think about the same issues, problems, fears, or worries far too much or for far too long, and they realize it creates unnecessary anxiety.
But they’re not sure how to stop it.
Today, I’ve got 10 questions to ask yourself to stop the overthinking.
IDENTIFY WHAT YOU'RE OVERTHINKING ABOUT
Before you go through the list of questions, the first step is to identify specifically what it is that you’re overthinking.
What is the one fear, prediction, or worry you have that’s running over and over in your head?
Here are some examples:
What if I’m not doing a good job and my kids don’t turn out to be good adults? (Pro tip for the next phase of the process: Turn “what ifs” into statements by removing the “what if” – “I’m not doing a good job and my kids won’t turn out to be good adults.”)
I shouldn’t have said that. (Overthinking with these types of thoughts turns into relentlessly replaying the tape of the mistake you made)
This isn’t gonna work out.
HOW TO STOP OVERTHINKING
Once you’ve isolated the core concern, it’s time to ask yourself a series of questions to stop the overthinking.
I put together a worksheet to help you work through the questions yourself, and that worksheet also has an example where I work through a very common belief many of my clients have so you can see how to answer the questions. Make sure you grab it so you can follow along.
Let’s dive in.
STOP OVERTHINKING - QUESTION 1
What is the evidence that supports my belief?
Generate all the examples or proof of your idea that you can think of. Try to be a lawyer who’s proving a case. Why should someone believe what you’re saying?
STOP OVERTHINKING - QUESTION 2
What is the evidence that contradicts my belief?
Now do the opposite: Generate all the examples that you can think of that disprove your idea . Try to be the lawyer on the other side who’s trying to prove someone wrong. What are all the holes in your way of thinking?
STOP OVERTHINKING - QUESTION 3
What is another way of thinking about this situation or another way of explaining what’s going on?
Think about other ways you could view the situation or think about how someone else would view the situation — could someone see it differently than you’re seeing it? Maybe you’re focusing on certain details that someone else wouldn’t consider important, or maybe you’re assuming two things are connected that aren’t.
STOP OVERTHINKING - QUESTION 4
What is the worst that could happen if my fear or prediction comes true? How would I cope with that?
Consider the worst case scenario. Go big here. What’s the absolute worst thing that could happen? Then imagine how you would cope with that. Maybe the worst case scenario is that someone dies…how would you get through that? Maybe the worst case scenario is that you lose your job…what would you do if that happened? And how likely is it that this worst case scenario would happen? Put a number on it.
STOP OVERTHINKING - QUESTION 5
What is the best that could happen if my fear or prediction comes true?
Now consider the best case scenario. Again, dream big. What’s the absolute best thing that could happen? It might be laughable, but that’s the point…if you’re laughing at this outlandish best case scenario, then you should probably also be laughing at the outlandish worst case scenario.
STOP OVERTHINKING - QUESTION 6
What is most likely to happen if my fear or prediction comes true? How would I cope with that?
Now, try to get in the middle of the best and worst case scenarios. What’s the most likely outcome? What have you learned from your past or seen from other people or learned from your education that would tell you what the most likely scenario is?
STOP OVERTHINKING - QUESTION 7
What would I tell (my best friend, my child, my mom) if he/she were in this situation? What tone of voice would I use?
This is where you tap into your self-compassion. There’s no reason we should treat ourselves any differently than we’d treat someone else that we love, so put it into practice. What words would you use if someone were expressing this concern to you, and what tone of voice would you use? Also, think about what you would do for the person — hugs? coffee date?
STOP OVERTHINKING - QUESTION 8
How does it affect me to continue believing this thought?
Consider how continuing to belabor this thought affects you and the people you love. How does it affect you emotionally? What does it do to your energy level or your motivation? How does it impact your self-esteem or your confidence?
STOP OVERTHINKING - QUESTION 9
How would it affect me if I changed the way I think about this?
Now consider what would happen if you allowed yourself to think differently. If you were able to stop thinking about this issue and start focusing on something else, what difference would that make? What would it allow you to do?
STOP OVERTHINKING - QUESTION 10
What should I do about this situation?
Take action. Now that you’ve considered other angles, decide on something you should do. Maybe it’s making an apology or changing your schedule or altering your priorities…or maybe it’s practicing self-compassion or learning how to forgive yourself or making a therapy appointment. What are you going to do?
HOW TO PRACTICE NOT OVERTHINKING
These questions are designed to rewire your brain.
It won’t be quick — and the first time you try to stop overthinking, you might not be very successful.
But chances are you haven’t been successful the first time you tried very many things in life. Like walking, for example….can you imagine how many times you fell on your booty before you finally figured it out? And even with decades of practice under your belt, you still don’t have this walking thing figured out sometimes.
Be patient with yourself. These techniques are scientifically proven to work, so practice them.
The best way to practice is to write down the answers, so I took the liberty of making you a worksheet to help out. You’re welcome. Grab the worksheet to work through your overthinking here, and see an example of using these questions to stop overthinking.
Y’all are tired. I get it. You have a lot on your plate plus you’re dealing with anxiety and other mental health symptoms. All you want is a break. Next week, I’ve got strategies for how to unwind after work. You need this, so don’t miss it.
Talk to you soon,
Dr. Finch
P.S. Remember, this is education, not treatment. Always consult with a psychologist or therapist about your mental health to determine what information and interventions are best for you. See the disclaimer for more details.
Hayden C. Finch, PhD, is a practicing psychologist based in Des Moines, Iowa, and Little Rock, Arkansas, dedicated to helping you master your mental health.