Last week, we chatted about how self-criticism drives the experience of feeling relieved instead of joyful or proud when you achieve something great. Today, I’ve got 6 proven ways to silence that inner critic so you can actually experience those positive feelings you deserve. I’m putting together a program to walk you through step-by-step how to get that critic to shush, so to make sure you don’t miss out on any of the details about when that program is ready, join this list.
Let’s get right into it.
Fight Anxiety with These 6 Proven Ways to Silence Your Inner Critic
1. Replace “good” with “good-ish.”
This is helpful in general, but especially when we mess up. We have a tendency to overcorrect when we make a mistake. We might start out thinking we’re “good” at something, but once we make a mistake, we think we’re “bad” at it. Instead of going all the way to “bad,” try “good-ish” instead.
- I’m a “good-ish” friend,
- I’m a “good-ish” housekeeper,
- I’m “good-ish” at returning phone calls.
This rephrasing allows us to make mistakes and still acknowledge the ways we’re meeting our own standards and expectations.
2. When you are calling yourself names or saying mean things to yourself, replace “I” with “He/She.”
For example,
- “I can’t do anything right”
“She can’t do anything right.” - “I’m a total screw-up” “She’s a total screw-up.”
Most of the time, we recognize right away that those second thoughts are things we’d never say about another person. If you wouldn’t say it to another person, why in the world would you say it to yourself? Toss it out.
3. When you make a mistake or have a “bad” experience, think about what you’ve learned from it.
- “Being laid-off from my first job is when I first learned how to handle a major professional setback.”
- “Getting criticized in front of my coworkers is when I learned how to be my own cheerleader.”
4. Write down what you did well (or “well-ish”) in this particular situation and what you do well in general.
When our inner critic is triggered, we automatically start focusing on all our weaknesses and mistakes. This strategy balances those thoughts with reminders about our strengths.
5. Reflect on what your core values are.
Google “core values list,” pick out the three that are most important to you, and reflect on how you’re doing in those areas. Often, the thing we’re upset about isn’t really related to the things that are the most important to us, so this strategy helps put it all in perspective.
6. Shift your focus from how this task benefits you to how it benefits the greater good.
This is especially useful for when your inner critic is already on your case before you’ve even started. It sounds like,
- “You’re gonna make a fool of yourself.”
- “People are gonna see right through you.”
- “This is gonna be a disaster.”
Those types of thoughts focus on how the situation or task affects you – your self-esteem, how you’re perceived by others, etc.
Refocus on how the situation or task affects people in general. For example,
- Asking for a raise from your boss benefits you by hopefully getting you more money, but it benefits the greater good by reducing the gender wage gap or moving the market in a direction in which people in your profession are more fairly compensated.
- Or giving this presentation benefits you by contributing to your professional portfolio or enhancing your grade in the class, but it benefits the greater good by sharing knowledge with the people at the presentation.
That refocus helps us get out of our heads and realize these situations are as much about other people as they are about ourselves, and we tend to be much more tolerant of mistakes and imperfections when we’re contributing to others.
Dive Even Deeper: Toxic Self-Criticism Workbook
When you’re caught in a spiral of toxic self-criticism, anxiety, depression, and stress will accumulate. Because I know this is an especially difficult area for people, I created a workbook that outlines a 4-step process to overcome self-criticism and silence your inner critic. Through a series of 8 inner critic exercises, with worksheets, activities, and examples, you’ll discover how to quiet your inner critic. Stopping your inner critic doesn’t happen overnight, but if you begin to question your inner critic in a helpful way and implement these psychology exercises into your daily life, you can silence the critical inner voice.
Next week, I’ve got the cheat sheet you’ve been waiting for. Don’t miss it.
Talk to you soon,
Dr. Finch
P.S. Remember, this is education, not treatment. Always consult with a psychologist or therapist about your mental health to determine what information and interventions are best for you. See the disclaimer for more details.
