Most people don’t like confrontation, and if you struggle with anxiety, then this is probably especially true. You’d rather be majorly inconvenienced than ever dare mention to someone that you’re bothered by their behavior. It would take a lot for you to speak up. But sometimes you might get annoyed with yourself for tolerating so much from people, and your friends might push you to confront your boss/boyfriend/mom for the way they’re treating you. At some point, speaking up becomes necessary.
We think people will be mad or stop being friends with us if we say something. But actually when people test it out, they often find the people in their lives actually value being told they’re being annoying — it lets them know you care about them enough to problem-solve issues in the relationship. Also, in general, we want to be able to contribute to our relationships, and when our friends give us the opportunity to do something nice for them (like supporting their thoughts and feelings), it builds us up. So in that sense, when you speak up to your friends or family, you might actually be strengthening the relationship and strengthening their ego.
Here are some tips for navigating conflict, straight to you from Dialectical Behavior Therapy.