HOW TO USE WORRY POSTPONEMENT TO STOP WORRYING ABOUT EVERYTHING
Recently, we’ve been diving deep into anxiety. I’ve given you strategies to stop overthinking and strategies to unwind after work. Now it’s time to tackle worrying.
You’ve probably tried the “stop technique,” where you just tell yourself to knock it off. That hasn’t worked.
Today, I’ve got a technique straight from Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy that is scientifically proven to reduce worrying. It’s simple and straightforward, and most importantly – it works. Grab the worksheet to put the technique into action in your real life (the skills don’t work if you don’t use them!).
What Is Worrying
Worrying happens when you start to feel anxious or uncertain about problems — whether they’re actual problems in your life or potential problems.
When you’re worried, your mind gets stuck on those difficulties or troubles and spins around in circles.
Lots of worries come in the form of “what if” questions: What if they don’t like me? What if I make a mistake? What if I don’t get the job?
Everyone worries, so it’s normal to worry.
But it can become problematic when it’s really frequent or intrusive or when you’re worried about a lot of different things.
Why Worrying Is Hard to Stop
Our brains don’t like unsolved problems or unanswered questions.
You’ve seen this time and again: You’re trying to remember the name of that actor in that one show and you just can’t let it go until you finally Google it and figure it out.
Our brains are designed to stay focused on problems until they’re solved.
This is helpful from a survival perspective. If I don’t have food, my brain is going to obsess about where to find it until I figure out a solution. Super helpful.
The problem is that a lot of problems just aren’t solvable and a lot of questions aren’t answerable.
This is where worrying manifests.
When we’re faced with unsolvable problems or unanswerable questions, continuing to ruminate on those problems and questions is unproductive.
But our brains aren’t designed to let go of things, and that’s why worrying is so hard to stop.
Worry Postponement
One way to curb worrying is to retrain your brain to allow some discomfort with unsolved problems and unanswered questions. Here’s how you do it. Grab the worksheet to put the steps into action.
Step 1: Define Your "Worry Period"
Start by selecting a time when you will do all your worrying.
Most people choose to place their worry period in that gap between dinner and bedtime.
Try to choose a time near the end of the day but not too close to bedtime — we want to address the worries before bedtime, but we don’t want them to still be spinning around in your head when you’re trying to sleep.
Choose an amount of time that you’ll spend worrying.
To decide, think about how much time you think would be reasonable to spend on worrying in a day — 10 minutes? 15? 30?
How much time do you think you need to be able to address your worries?
Also choose a location.
Choose a private space where you can focus on addressing your worries productively.
Step 2: Keep Track of Your Worries
Find a space to keep track of your worries — the notes app on your phone, a sheet of paper at your desk, or this handy template work well.
When you notice yourself worrying about something, jot down 2 to 3 words to describe what you’re worrying about – “job interview,” “enrolling in kindergarten,” “pimple.”
Step 3: Refocus
Return your attention to what you were doing before you started worrying.
Try very hard to refocus your attention.
This takes practice, so be patient with yourself.
Step 4: Repeat Steps 2 & 3
When you notice yourself worrying again, repeat step 2.
If the thing you’re worrying about is already on the list, just put a checkmark next to it.
Then repeat step 3.
Continue to repeat steps 2 and 3 throughout the day, accumulating a list of all your worries for the day.
Step 5: Worry
At your “worry period,” pull out your list. Worry.
Some of the items on the list may no longer seem important, so you’ll be able to worry through them very quickly.
Some of the items on the list may require you to take action (“call plumber,” “email Lisa”), so either go ahead and take action or schedule an appointment with yourself to do those things later.
Some of the items may be unsolvable problems or unanswerable questions.
Remind yourself that worrying will not solve an unsolvable problem or answer an unanswerable question, so challenge yourself to lay those to rest.
Step 6: Restart at Step 2
At the end of your worry period, begin again at Step 2, collecting your worries for the next day.
Practice Stopping Your Worries
If you’re needing some structure, grab my worksheet here to work through the steps on your own.
How Worry Postponement Works
The crux of this intervention is to allow your brain time to worry — it’s convinced it needs that, so let’s go ahead and make sure it gets a little dose.
But instead of worrying whenever it wants, you’re training your brain to worry only during a specific window.
This consolidates the worrying so you’re able to spend just a few minutes per day addressing a concern rather than spending a few minutes on each concern every time it pops into your head.
To me, this intervention seems bogus.
When I first learned this intervention, I couldn’t believe that it could work.
You might have the same skepticism.
That’s healthy!
But try it out and collect some evidence for yourself to see if it makes a difference for you.
The research shows us that it works for many people who spend much of their day worrying, and you might be one of those people.
Try it for several days or a couple of weeks before you decide whether it’s helping or not — that’ll give your brain a chance to adjust to it.
Worrying Makes It Hard to Sleep
If you’re a worrier, you probably have trouble sleeping. So, let’s work on that next.
Next week, I’ve got 12 things that are making it harder for you to fall asleep. Are you making any of these mistakes??
Talk to you soon,
Dr. Finch
P.S. Remember, this is education, not treatment. Always consult with a psychologist or therapist about your mental health to determine what information and interventions are best for you. See the disclaimer for more details.
