How to Become the Person You Want to Be
Your Behaviors Determine Your Anxiety
Psychological research tells us that what we do affects the way we feel. There’s a reason we feel anxious, stressed, and overwhelmed…and some of that reason is the actions we’re taking.
This is an important lesson for those of us on a journey to reduce stress and anxiety.
The implication of this is that if you want to add a certain habit or even a feeling to your life, it’s important that you behave in a certain way.
Let’s take an example. Say you want to eat better. You’ve tried this in the past. You went to the grocery store, loaded up on lean meat and produce, spent an entire day meal-prepping, and successfully cooked a week’s worth of healthy meals. Then, you ate mostly chicken nuggets and McDonald’s the following week. No shame, we’ve all been there.
The Secret to Actually Making Changes In Your Life
So what’s the secret to actually eating better or reducing stress or feeling more confident?
Don’t just do the things. Become the person.
Become the type of person who does that thing.
Let’s Look at Some Examples
Back to our example. Who is the person who eats healthy? How does that person feel? What behaviors does that person engage in? It’s not just about grocery shopping, it’s about a host of other things — meal planning, meal prepping, the relationship you have with food, the relationship you have with yourself and your body, your commitment to your goal, etc.
So if you want to change a behavior, become the type of person who does that thing regularly. The type of person who goes to the gym regularly doesn’t just go to the gym…they go to bed early, they get up early, they have a dedicated morning routine, they share their progress, they journal and meditate, they drink stuff to keep their muscles from hurting, etc.
How Do You Want to Feel?
Another way of looking at this is emotionally. Who do you want to be emotionally? What type of person? I’m guessing you want to be a person who feels calm, fulfilled, and connected.
Now, think about that person. What types of behaviors does that person do?
What does a calm person do? Probably goes for walks, schedules a few extra moments between activities so they’re not rushed, remembers to breathe, maybe goes to therapy.
What does a fulfilled person do? I’d guess they look people in the eye, do random acts of kindness, spend extra time with the people they love most, and take the time to respect their bodies.
What does a connected person do? They look people in the eye, take time to remember and acknowledge the events going on in their loved ones’ lives, prioritize calling people and organizing lunch dates, really listen when they’re spoken to.
How to Overcome Anxiety and Become Who You Want to Be
See, becoming who you want to be isn’t necessarily about doing any one thing differently. Success comes from zooming out and noticing not just what that person does but more broadly how they approach life.
A person who is anxious approaches life in a certain way…and a person who is a pro at managing stress and overwhelm approaches life in a certain way, too.
If you’re ready to get started, grab this PDF where I’ll help you put together a plan for becoming the person you want to become.
Next week, we’re talking about humility. Think you’re humble? You might actually be criticizing people and not know it. Yikes. I’ll explain next week. Don’t miss it.
Dr. Finch
P.S. Don’t forget to grab the downloadable PDF so I can help you establish a plan for becoming the non-anxious, confident person you want to be. I’ve got you.
P.P.S. Remember, this is education, not treatment. Always consult with a psychologist or therapist about your mental health to determine what information and interventions are best for you. See the disclaimer for more details.
Hayden C. Finch, PhD, is a practicing psychologist in Des Moines, Iowa, dedicated to helping you master your mental health.